18 Feb Setting Out in Search of God – A Spiritual Journey (Yves Raguin)
When we decide to set out in search of God, we must pack our bags, saddle our donkey, and begin the journey.
The mountain of God is barely visible in the distance… At dawn, we must leave. It is a great departure. We must say goodbye.
Goodbye to what? To everything and to nothing.
To nothing
To nothing, because the world we leave behind will remain close to us, within us, until our final breath—always near. If we try to chase it away or suppress it, it is likely to reappear within us with even greater force.
To everything
To everything, because in setting out in search of the Absolute, we cut ties with all that could divert us from Him, with everything in us and in others that resists divine action.
In the end, what is hardest to leave behind is ourselves—this self that, in its deep need for autonomy, resists God. Separation is not about distance, but about detachment. At all costs, we must prevent our personality from folding in on itself, from building a fortress before God where He would be admitted only as a guest. Yes, when you wish to pray, you must open your house and untie your soul in God.
Life’s demands
Every way of life requires detachment. The soul of spouses must detach from itself; so must the soul of engaged couples. Otherwise, love is not possible—only a form of selfishness sought in the other. At the highest point of love stands the love of God: total and mutual self-giving.
For humans, God is the Other—the One who will ultimately reveal Himself, in love, as the very Being of our being.
Before setting out, a few blows of the axe and pruning knife are needed. In cutting around ourselves, we quickly see that we are cutting within ourselves… But we must not wait until we are detached from everything—and from ourselves—before leaving. We must leave, and little by little, as we advance, the things dearest to us will grow distant.
Many attachments will cling to our steps. That is normal. If our heart still holds on to them, it is enough to say: “My God, I am still attached to this or that, but I trust You to free me as I walk toward You.”
What should we take with us?
Our whole self—nothing less. A strange answer after saying we must leave everything, especially ourselves. And yet it is true: we must take our whole being with us.
Many set out only in appearance. They take with them only a ghost of themselves. They secure themselves before beginning the journey… They create a superficial personality—a robot, a shadow of themselves—which they send in search of God. They never truly enter the experience with their whole being. A ready-made “saint” sets off on the expedition, shaped according to manuals of perfection. They send a double of themselves on the adventure and then wonder why they return only with disappointment.
When setting out
we must load onto our donkey everything we possess and depart with all that we are: our body, our mind, our soul—everything. Our strengths and weaknesses, our sinful past, our great hopes, our lowest and most violent tendencies… everything, everything, for all must pass through the fire. Everything must ultimately be integrated to form a human being capable of entering, body and soul, into the knowledge of God.
